Talking to your child about your illness or that of your spouse is one of the most difficult tasks any parent may have to do. Yet, according to the experts, it is a very necessary conversation.

Why? Because a parent’s illness causes disruption in family life.

Children sense when something is wrong.  When no one speaks to them about what is wrong they imagine all sorts of things.

They may have to spend large amounts of time in the care of other family members and friends. If so, children need and deserve some explanation of why this is necessary. They need to know why you may not be able to attend a school function or watch them in a sports event.

According to the professionals there is no right or wrong time to talk to children at any age about serious illness. Just be aware of what your child can and cannot understand based on his or her age. They offer the following suggestions by age:

3 and Under

Infants are sensitive to changes in their routine and to who is physically taking care of them. It is important to try to keep an infant in familiar surroundings as much as possible and try not to expose the baby to many different people.

Children under the age of two and a half years can sense a change in something but usually cannot put it into words.Try to spend as much time as the illness permits with a child of this age. You need to arrange a consistent person with whom the child is familiar to spend time doing what the child enjoys.

 3 to 5

Children in this age group react mostly to their feelings rather than to facts. It is important to explain and reinforce that they did not do anything to cause the illness.

Be concrete and brief. Their attention span is limited, and you can always repeat the information at another time.

Children at this age have many questions about everything so make sure you include some time to answer their questions. They can be very sensitive to changes in people’s moods so do not assume that you are hiding anything from them.

Children are also very physical at this age with their unrelenting amounts of energy. A good strategy is to encourage physical activity. It usually helps release a number of feelings.

 5 to 8

It is important to give factual information about the illness and as children this age are capable of understanding many of the body functions from their school studies. It is important to prepare explanations before speaking with children in this age range since their questions will be very exact and will include a lot of “why” questions.

Children at this age may be upset that the illness will disrupt their activities, but can be receptive to flexibility when given good reasons. They may have questions about who will take care of them in the absence of the ill parent or during treatment times, such as “Who will drive me to school? Who will pick me up? Who will make my lunch? Arrangements should be made with someone who the children are comfortable with who can temporarily take over these tasks.

If you do not feel comfortable having this kind of discussion with your child(ren) you can speak with your physician or a social worker or other mental health professional and ask for guidance,

There are books that address talking to your child about serious illness. Your librarian can help you find what you need.

Children want to be helpful. They can be a real comfort once they understand.

The following post is by Kathy Simmons from Nanny Services http://www.nannyservices.org/blog/10-reasons-why-kids-love-to-play-candyland/

Candyland is probably the simplest board game that exists.

It is made for very young children, and as long as it has been around, young children have been enjoying the fun it provides.

There are several reasons for Candyland’s ongoing popularity.

1.  Bright colors – Red, yellow, blue, green, orange, purple; these six basic colors make up the squares on the path that winds across the board from start to finish. The images surrounding the path contain those same bright colors that kids love.
2. ‘Sweet’ images – It is ‘Candyland’, after all. The board is covered with images of lollipops, candy canes, gumdrops and sugar coated sweet things of many varieties. There are also several special places along the path that are designated with their own sweet images and pulling a card from the stack with the matching image will move you to that ‘sweet spot’. Just looking at it could give you a sugar rush.
3. Shortcuts – As just mentioned in No. 2, pulling out a card with a sweet image on it allows you to move immediately to that space, which can either move you quickly ahead or quickly backwards. Uncertainty about what card will come up on your turn is part of the fun-filled anticipation of the game.
4. Equal opportunity – Candyland is not a game of skill, like checkers. Every player has the same equal opportunity of winning regardless of their age or education. An adult doesn’t have to ‘let the kid win’; the kids have just as good of a chance of winning as an adult does.
5. No counting – Many board games require at least counting skills to move around the board. Even small children who do not know how to count the spaces as they move can play Candyland; all you need to know is your colors.
6. No reading – There are no words on any of the cards that are drawn from the pile; there are only blocks of color or images that match an image on the board. This is just another plus for preschoolers who want to be able to play board games like their older siblings or parents.
7. Two or more players – Candyland can be played with only two players or it can accommodate a small group of players, and it is just as much fun with two as it is with four. This means that a single child only needs one parent or one other child to be able to play.
8. Short and quick – Small children have short attention spans. Candyland caters to this by making the path to victory short and sweet. (Pardon the pun!) Preschoolers would much rather play a short game over and over than to play a game that takes an hour or more to reach the finish.
9. No adults required – This is a factor about the game that both adults and kids appreciate; kids can play this game easily without any help at all from adults. There is no complicated assembly and it is easy enough for one child to explain it to another.
10. Simple rules – The rules to the game are very simple and easy to remember and follow. 1. Players take turns. 2. On your turn you draw one card from the pile of cards. 3. One colored square on the card means move to the next square of that color on the path. Two colored squares means that you move your marker to first one and then the next square of the color on the card. A picture card means that you move your card to that picture on the path. 4. The first one whose marker reaches the end of the path is the winner.

 Candyland is not likely to ever lose its place in the world of preschoolers.

There is not a more perfect way to introduce preschoolers to board games than Candyland.

The USDA Office of Communications published the following bulletin on new nutrition standards for school meals on Friday, January 20^th.

WASHINGTON, January 20, 2012 – First Lady Michelle Obama will be joined by Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack at Parklawn Elementary School to speak with parents about the United States Department of Agriculture’s (USDA) new and improved nutrition standards for school lunches.

This is an important accomplishment of the Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act that President Obama signed into law last year, USDA is making the first major changes in school meals in over 15 years, and doing so in a way that’s achievable for schools across the nation.

The new nutrition standards make the same kinds of changes that many parents are already encouraging at home, including ensuring kids are offered fruits and vegetables every day of the week, substantially increasing offerings of whole grain-rich foods, offering only fat-free or low-fat milk varieties and making sure kids are getting proper portion sizes.

To Be Continued…New nutrition standards will be published here when made public.

Bedtime Tips for Parents of Young Children

Bedtime can be a difficult time for parent and child.  The American Academy of Pediatrics offers the following tips for handling the times when your child cries at bedtime:

• Wait a few minutes before responding; if the crying continues, wait longer each time before you respond to the cries.
• Offer reassurance that you’re there, but don’t play, linger or turn on a light if you do enter the room.
• Each time you enter the room, stay a little farther from the bed; eventually, reassure your child without entering the room.
• When your child calls for you, offer a gentle reminder that it’s time to go to sleep.

Tips for Handling Winter Dry Skin

Winter weather and heat in homes and offices can lead to dry skin, which can be itchy, uncomfortable and even painful if the skin begins to crack.

The Cleveland Clinic offers the following tips for caring for dry skin:

• Make sure your shower or bath water is lukewarm; never too hot.
• Take baths or showers of no longer than 10 minutes.
• Apply a moisturizer as soon as you get out of the bath or shower.
• Wash with a moisturizing cleanser.
• During winter months, moisturize with a heavy cream or ointment. Use a lighter lotion during summer.

The following guest post is by Jean Hamburg, LICSW  who has just published Cooperation Counts! Life-Saving Strategies for Parenting Toddlers to Teens, an effective guidebook for parents, to defuse family conflicts and help children make responsible choices.

Jean earned her B.S. degree from Springfield College in Springfield, MA and her MSW degree from the University of Denver, Graduate School of Social Work, specializing in Child Welfare Services. Her experience has included clinical specialties in the areas of child abuse and neglect, family therapy, developing and implementing treatment plans for at risk adults and children, anger management, crisis intervention, and classroom management issues

The Tantrum

The kids in Ms.Tucker’s class had been excited for weeks. Timmy was having a birthday party at a favorite children’s restaurant.  Everyone was invited and everyone was coming.  This was way cool, especially since Todd was going with his friend and her mother!  The big day finally came and so did all of the kids, including Todd and his friend, Alissa.

Everything went smoothly until Todd’s Mom came to pick him up at the end of the party. Although everything had been picture perfect for two hours, as often happens, the last minutes did not go as hoped.  It was all because of a gumball machine that had been placed in a strategic location so that anyone near the exit could spot it clearly, and that’s what Todd did.  Not only did he spot it but he wanted a gumball really badly, and NOW!

In the blink of an eye, everything had changed.  When the answer was negative re: the longed for treat, all heck broke loose…A Tantrum: Todd was not exactly showing his best self.  Actually, he started screaming about the gumball and the screaming turned into SCREAMING!!

Unfortunately, to add to the chaos,  Mom’s car was parked in a no parking zone and Todd’s little brother Bobby was in it.  Mom could see Bobby (she was just inside the front door), and she definitely HEARD Todd.  So could everyone else.  This was the dreaded ‘big scene in public’ situation that every parent longs to avoid, but there it was.  What a nightmare!

Mom grabbed little Bobby from the car, left the emergency lights blinking, and hoped that her car would avoid being towed or ticketed.  Everyone was looking at the screaming Todd, who let everyone within hearing range know that he wanted a gumball, and he wanted it NOW.

Mom kept her cool.  She had been under this sort of pressure before.  She knew, and Todd knew, that she was not going to have a discussion under any such (tantrum) circumstances. 

As a matter of fact, all she said to Todd was, “Are you all set?  Are you all set to get into the car?”  Of course, he was not!  All Mom said was, “I see you’re not all set.  I’ll be chatting with Alissa’s Mom,” and she proceded to do so, removing her attention-briefly.  Todd kept screaming.  Within just a few seconds, she returned to Todd and kept to her script of “Are you all set?”, etc.  Todd was most certainly not all set, but Mom was not going to converse with anyone in wailing mode. She was not ignoring.  She was consciously disengaging.

In the meantime, the other parents had all sorts of advice for poor Mom.  She thanked them but kept to her script.  She also asked one of the parents to get the manager of the store in front of which she was parked, to request permission to leave her car where it was.

Soon, the other kids and their parents all left.  Mom, holding Bobby, hung around, continuing to use only the same script.

There was no gumball. There was no audience.  There was no discussion.  Finally, Todd gave a little nod, and the threesome got into the car.  The only thing that Mom said was, “I’m so glad you’re all set to get into the car.  Would you like the radio on?”  That was it.  Period.  There would be plenty of time to figure out the ‘issue’ at another time, but right now it was time to re-group, and that’s what they did.

There are no easy ways to handle a tantrum in public, or anywhere else, for that matter. This is only one way, but at the very least, Mom was being respectful and clear with Todd, while being  able to hold onto some adult  dignity, and that’s always a good thing.  There was another good thing.  The car had not been towed or ticketed, even though it had been left in an illegal location for quite a long time.

“Cooperation Counts! Life-Saving Strategies for Parenting Toddlers to Teens” is based on years of personal and professional experience.  The Cooperation Counts program offers useful tools to busy families who are looking for positive ways to get through the inevitable tough parenting times, minus yelling, punishments, bribes, begging and threats. The program is designed to help adults provide a respectful, predictable framework for discipline and praise. The chaos that results when a child decides to be uncooperative is dealt with calmly and effectively so that family stress is greatly reduced.

For more information about the book, program, and blog, visit: www.cooperationcounts.com

Jean can be contacted directly via email: jeanhamburg@comcast.net